This is by far one of my favorite and best blog posts I’ve written. It comes from a place deep in my soul and from years of wisdom and contemplation on the subject of validation, recognition, and worthiness. I wish you an insightful read 💜
From here on, I mostly just use the word validation which can be seen both as recognition and validation in this context. The type of validation discussed here is related to the need to be recognized and seen.
There is a real need for validation. Stop denying yourself that need.
This need exists at all levels. Fulfilling it at one level doesn’t mean you are done for life, it just means you move onto a new level and need it in different ways from different people.
Validation tells you that you are on the right track, you are fulfilling your purpose.
It fills your soul in ways that nothing else can.
I would go as far as suggesting that not receiving healthy validation is one of the leading sources for addiction.
We need parental validation and peer validation. Validation from lovers and mentors.
People who grow beyond a certain level need validation from the world, something we can see in celebrities. When we understand this properly, we stop judging people, and start seeing it as a healthy process when it is done from the right place.
While it is true that you don’t need validation to live your life, you do need it to fulfill certain needs of your soul. So when someone says you don’t need validation, it’s both true and not true at the same time.
While there are many forms of validation we can receive, there is one in specific I wish to explore today: the validation of being a powerful adult living your purpose.
Meaningful validation can only come from someone who is truly in their adult power.
Someone who is insecure, immature and undeveloped is incapable of providing it.
But a mature powerful person is capable and will gladly do it.
They will not validate you when you are being immature, childish, and needy.
The people who validate your immature self are trapped in their own insecurities and need for validation.
On the other hand, when two powerful adults meet and validate each other, it changes the game completely. It becomes an intense, rapid, growth spiral rather than a toxic downward spiral.
I’ve experienced both.
You can find healthy validaiton in a powerful mentor, parent, lover, and sometimes even with a colleague or boss at work. There are powerful adults everywhere. First recognize your need and what you are looking for, then see how quickly you find it.
Validation is a specific form of love. It cannot be replaced with another form of love.
No matter how much someone loves you, if they cannot provide the kind of validation you need, it will leave a void in your soul that you will always crave to fill. Just know that you can fill it.
It’s also important to realize that the fulfillment of validation from one source doesn’t transfer to the need for another. Parental validation cannot replace the need for validation by a mentor you respect, nor a lover who sees you in ways no one else can.
I have received validation from parents, mentors, students, peers, and lovers.
And as I keep growing, there is a need for more in different ways from different people.
I have also played the role of giving that validation to others and seen the profound impact it has on them. As a a son, a brother, a lover, a friend, a colleague, and most profoundly as a spiritual mentor.
The book “King, Warrior, Magician, Lover” speaks of the King archetypes role in providing this validation. The king is nothing more than a man in their mature adult power.
The same goes for the Queen archetype.
We have come from ancestors who lived in tribes and kingdoms. The kings, queens, tribal chiefs and elders played the role of spiritual father and mother, providing validation and recognizing the power in their people. Receiving this recognition awakens the king and queen energy in you.
This is a deeply ingrained soul need. Recognize it, seek it in the right place, and be open to receive it.
That is the final piece. Actually allowing yourself and being open to receive it.
We become so addicted to our unworthiness that we keep sabotaging ourselves just in the moment we are about to receive real validation and recognition for our power.
Until you are ready to receive it and intentionally open yourself to it, you will keep repeating the same loop and stay stuck in the shame spiral of unworthiness.
In fact, when you are not ready to receive it, someone providing it can come across as a threat and you may passively or even actively reject them and sometimes even hate them. If you are triggered by powerful people, it is likely a sign you are stuck in an unworthiness trap, I can say this from personal experience, having had strong biases and projections, especially against powerful men in the past.
When you are ready to come into your power and you are looking for a spiritual mentor who can train you, see you, and recognize your power, I welcome you to take up any of the opportunities I offer to grow with me. It’s my honor and the most satisfying feeling to work with people who do the work of stepping into their power and glowing in all their glory.
Validation Cap
An adult connected to their infinite creative power can recognize infinite power in others.
Not everyone is connected at that level though.
Most people have a limit to how much power they can recognize and validate.
Some adults who have stepped into their power still have insecurities and cannot see others become more powerful than themselves, and thus limit or cancel those who “shine too much”. This again is a point highlighted in the King, Warrior… book — it is often seen in therapists who attack their clients for shining and counsel them into settling for a dull mediocre life, cancelling their aspirations and dreams as “ego inflations”.
I have been through this experience with a mentor. And I have great appreciation for it because that experience taught me to go beyond. It helped me realize that when you are deeply secure in yourself, you can be around others who are powerful in different ways, and you can still validate and recognize their power.
I now have the privilege of being a leader and mentor for powerful leaders and adults. And I still see that they value and receive my validation wholeheartedly, because I still come from my power. This is true humility in action.
Someone being more powerful in one domain doesn’t diminish you in anyway.
Even someone being better than you in your domain doesn’t diminish you.
You can choose to feel jealous and insecure or be inspired to break through beyond your own perceived limits. Celebrate the fact that you have found someone to help you grow!
I’ve had the privilege of apprentices outshining me, it is the proudest I’ve ever felt.
Recognize mentors who can let you grow infinitely beyond themselves and treasure them.
Also recognize those who can only go till a certain point and learn to move on and find another who can validate you at the next level and beyond.
And if you want someone who will celebrate you as high as you can fly, allow me the privilege of that opportunity and let me help you shine in ways unimaginable.