10 years back I gave myself the best gift.
I betrayed myself. I betrayed my authenticity.
I betrayed everything I thought I was. I betrayed all my beliefs.
And I encourage you to do the same.
I thought:
I was an atheist.
A carnivore.
I loved smoking.
I loooved marijuana.
I loved gambling.
I loved (only) hard rock and psychedelic music.
I loved to judge (and I still do, it’s really fun when you do it with lightness!)
I judged spiritual and religious people (I still do, only differently).
I also thought spirituality was full of 💩 (I still do, because a lot of it is)
I wore black most of the time.
I never ate breakfast (mostly because I woke up past 1 pm on most days).
I once literally said, “I would rather die if there is no chocolate in my life!”
And then I did.
I died over and over.
I have died 1000s of times by now.
Past life is what I lived last week. I now die on a daily basis sometimes. You may think I’m exaggerating, but I literally find it hard to relate to who I was just a week ago.
I reinvent myself constantly. And I believe it is the most human thing to do — once we break out of the habit of what we have been told it is to be human.
Most people associate being human with being habitual and repeating the same programs every day. I see being human as being dynamic and evolving constantly.
I allow every idea of myself to die.
And I love creating new ideas of myself.
I love me a new idea of myself. And just as easily I let it die, whether in a day a month or a physical lifetime (although that’s very ambitious! I’m curious to see what idea can last that long!)
Only recently I stopped associating with every new idea of myself and I became that which becomes every idea.
The constant in all the change.
I created the idea of Ti0 specifically to remind myself that everything is an idea, including Ti0.
That’s the “Zero” 0️⃣ in Ti0, The Infinite Zero.
Last few years I was very attached to the Infinite part of me — all the ideas I can be. Prior to that I was much more in the Zero, the nothing.
I am finally coming into the T of it.
The “T” in Ti0, symbolizes balance, as I consider T to be the alphabet symbolizing balance in the English language.
I did not construct Ti0 as a convenient name that sounds like the word Tio in Latin languages.
I constructed it with intention, idea by idea.
I started with wanting balance. Not balance between two separate things. Rather the balance that comes from unifying and harmonizing two apparent contradictions.
Such as Infinite and Zero.
I saw these two sides of myself in a constant battle.
One wanting to stretch beyond everything.
One who sees the emptiness of it all and reduces life into death.
One who is limitless.
One who is always seeing the limit.
I was caught up in “Me vs Me” for a long long time — a lifetime.
And this lifetime came to an end recently.
I have been harmonizing duality for years now.
And I finally reached the dual root within myself.
Where it all began.
I created Ti0 while being in the transcendent state of Unity consciousness. From the oneness.
But for Ti0 to fully incarnate, it cannot be “one”.
Ti0 is neither one, nor dual.
I am a Trinity consciousness.
Matter. Energy. Spirit.
T. Infinite. Zero.
Ti0.
I’m not one. I’m not both. I’m all of it.
I’m that which arises when three come together.
I tried staying neutral for a long time, thinking that was freedom.
Neutrality and Detachment is not freedom. It doesn’t allow you to attach.
It doesn’t permit you to live. It is a rejection of life.
Because life requires attachment.
Life is inherently empty. Until we attach meaning to it.
I was once a nihilist. Thankfully, I betrayed myself.
Once you realize there is no inherent meaning or purpose to life, that’s not a reason for depression, that’s not a reason to stop living.
That’s the ultimate freedom.
You can give any meaning to life. So make it fun! Have fun! Enjoy!
Give it the best possible meaning. This is true joy!
When you realize there is no inherent self (kudos Buddha!), that’s not a reason to live like a Buddha detached from life, trying to free everyone and detach everyone. That’s when you find the real freedom of creating yourself with any idea you want. And knowing they are all your creations, you can let them die for a new idea you enjoy.
The old paradigm of spirituality and philosophy is deeply rooted in denial and rejection of life.
Buddha defined life by suffering. Life is defined by whatever we choose. That’s how he chose to define it. You can define life by Joy. Love. Peace.
And all realities are equally valid.
Nihilists choose to define life as meaningless. You can choose to define life with any meaning you like. This is power. Pure. Raw. Power. Real Power. Take it. Claim it. Own it. Power is never lost or disconnected or limited. There are infinite amounts available in every moment of time. You have to claim it. There is no scarcity of power. No one is taking your power. That too is a story. Exit. Exit all stories. Let old versions of you who believe those stories die. Write your own. Create yourself. Then become it. Be it.
You are not just the protagonist of your life story. You are the director. The writer. You are god. You are your own god. You are your only god. This is god. It is not something outside of you. It is a state within you.
You can make someone else god. It’s convenient (because let me tell you this, it’s not always easy and fun! Sometimes it’s a royal pain in the buttocks!)
So if you rather have someone else write your story, by all means, choose the story that god is another being. Because that is also true! Anyone can play god.
Some like to play god for others. And others like someone else to play god. There is some judgment (like I said, I love to judge!), but who gives a toot! Someone is judging you for everything (even some gods!), so go with whatever story you like best.
That’s one of the reasons I love the Hindu religion. They created an infinite buffet! Quite literally. 1000s of gods to choose from. Infinite stories to believe. If you don’t want to come up with a story, here are millions to choose from! A DIY religion indeed!
I am not Hindu, but damn they are smart!
For the lazy person who doesn’t want to use their creativity — religion (and today even science) give you countless stories (and theories) to choose from. So be whoever you want. And if you get bored, betray yourself! Choose another story.
Tired of being religious? Go science!
Science killing your soul? Go spiritual!
Tired of others creating your story? Come join me! Become your own god.
Living with an ever changing, dynamic, infinite self is not a challenge, it’s fun! It’s the very essence of life. And it’s not something you need to learn. It’s something to remember. And then you can get better at it. I call this spiritual mastery and teach it. That’s my bliss in this life. Among a xillion other things.
What about my pal, Judas? The betrayer.
Perhaps today we can learn to love the Judas within. The enemy of boredom. When you have gotten too stuck up in yourself (like a certain holy man once was), maybe you need someone to stab you in the back and take over.
After all, without Judas, there is no Jesus. There is no resurrection and Jesus would perhaps have just been another boring annoying nobody, another preacher lost in the sea of myriads who spoke truth. It is Judas who gave birth to Jesus as we know him. So welcome your inner Judas, let your self be killed, let your self die. It’s not that special anyway when there are a xillion other versions of you that you can be.
Let your dreams die. Betray your dreams too. The ones that are meant to manifest cannot be stopped, if not you, another will bring them to life. Incarnate the dream that you truly want to. That is the only dream that is worth living. You don’t have to live out every dream you have. Be selective. Set your standard. Which dream speaks to you the most? Bring that to life.
There is no one dream that is most authentic. All dreams are impersonal, you make it personal by attaching to it.
Want to have fun becoming infinitely awesome? We are doing just that in Panda Land, come check it out.